"Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink"

AWESOME

Shawn — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 04:58:35 +0000

Just a quick update…

Shawn — Sun, 14 Nov 2010 23:09:40 +0000

For the first time in over 6 years, life is good. Truly good.

- I have ended an incredibly unhealthy and abusive relationship which was not only holding me back from life, but destroying me.
- I am in therapy.
- I have (possibly for the first time ever)….self esteem!
- I now live in a clean and orderly home, instead of chaos.
- I am finally learning who I am, and I really think I like him.

…Wow. Even when I see it written in front of me, it’s still kinda hard to believe. Surreal and wonderful, but almost hard to believe.

I couldn’t agree more…

Shawn — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:58:42 +0000

Fresh Start

Shawn — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 02:34:59 +0000

Today was a good day. Good days aren’t as common now as they used to be, or at least I should say they haven’t been as common…but today was a truly good day.

I started my day by waking up nice and early, on my own (as usual). I can’t remember the last time I actually needed an alarm. I am up and ready to go by about 7am, whether I like it or not. Luckily this doesn’t bother me a bit. The earlier I get up, the more I get out of my day. Anyway (I feel like I’m rambling today)… I woke up bright and early and took a bike ride with my pal (and flatmate) Paul down to the coffee shop for coffee and a bagel. * side-note: Yes, I realize calling my roommate my “flatmate” makes me sound like a want-to-be-British, hipster twat, but “roommate seems odd (since he technically rents a room in my house) and I refuse to call him a “renter” because it doesn’t sound friendly, and he’s one of my favorite friends. SO…anyway…

After breakfast, we road home and then drove over to Lowes, where be bought soil and plants to start a garden. This was only possible due to a gift card my parents gave me (most likely the best gift for a homeowner EVER). The gift card turned out to be the exact amount we needed for everything.

Building the garden was simple and fast, as we used cinder blocks and ready-to-use organic garden soil, designed for raised gardens. Once the soil was in, watered, and packed properly, we measured out square foot grids on the garden to help with plant placement.

Here’s our organic vegetable & herb garden (along with a list of what we planted):

I’ve also started a little daily journal that we’ll be using for the garden. Since we’re all learning as we go, the plan is to note everything…from watering schedules to bug damage. At least this way, if we screw something up, we can hopefully look back and figure out what we did. We’re also including photos, memories & anecdotes…anything regarding the garden, really. Gardening is going to be a bit therapeutic for me. I’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately (though it’s getting better thanks to a great therapist and a lot of work). There’s a great combination of relaxation and pride that comes from working on a garden (says the big shot, fist-day gardener) and I think it could really be helpful to me. I want to get as much out of this experience as possible. I want to savor the joy that comes from putting work into the garden and reaping the rewards of my efforts…just as I want to do with life.

Exciting times ahead folks…exciting times, indeed.

I look forward to working on myself, my garden and hopefully, this little blog much more in the future.

A moment of reflection

Shawn — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 22:38:10 +0000

I’m sitting here at the coffee shop, listening to Tom Waits after a great bike ride and I can’t help but reflect on my life. I’ve had some (rare) good fortune lately in a lot of respects, and I am quite grateful for it. That’s not to say there haven’t been low points as well, but I’d prefer to focus on the positive and keep my head in the right place.

My house is coming along beautifully. I have a couple new roommates whom I like very much. They’re incredibly kind, sincere people who have a genuine interest in helping me make the house the best it can be. The vibe in the house has changed 180° in the last month and I couldn’t be happier about it. There is a great sense of community now. Shared dinners, bonfires in the backyard, good conversation…no drama or stress.

When I think about how much my life has changed in the last 9 months, I am left amazed and humbled. I could very easily sit here and talk about how these changes didn’t start happening until I started following my heart and welcomed God back into my life, but I won’t do that. After being turned off by overly-excited religious zealots who preached their beliefs to me whether I asked or not, I promised myself I wouldn’t be that type of person. I most certainly have God in my heart and fully believe I have been saved by his Grace, but that’s a discussion I leave for those who are curious and want to talk about it. I have many friends who are not religious and I respect their beliefs and opinions. I dunno….maybe I will write more about that another time and just preface it with a warning for all those “non-believers” out there.

In other happy news, my parents are coming out for a visit and should arrive sometime today. I haven’t seen then since Christmas, and I’m really looking forward to spending some time with them (and showing off the improvements around the house). I honestly couldn’t ask for better parents. They’re wonderful friends and I love them dearly.

Well, I’ve got a friend meeting me for coffee in a moment and I feel that I’m rambling a bit anyway, so I’m going fold up the old laptop and light up a cigar.

I hope everyone out there has a wonderful weekend and I thank you, as always, for taking a moment to read this.

On a side note…

I strongly believe that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the work of Pastor Jay Bakker and the wonderful people at Revolution Church. Unfortunately, they are facing a very hard time financially right and could really use your help. I realize times are tough for all of us, but if you can spare anything please do so. You can make donations HERE.

Manners

Shawn — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:36:05 +0000

One of my favorite hobbies is observing people. It’s some of the most interesting free entertainment out there. The more I watch people, the more I notice the similarities between people. One of the more common traits I’ve been noticing lately is, unfortunately, a negative one. People seem to be lacking manners. Obviously, this doesn’t pertain to ALL people. I’m speaking very generally. I’m also speaking somewhat regionally, as though I’ve traveled the world, although my usual observations happen here in Southern California.

Sometimes it’s as if certain objects have the ability to render my fellow Californians manner-less. The steering wheel is a perfect example of this. For some odd reason, the simple act of holding a steering wheel in one’s hands instantly negates the desire to show good manners. Turn signals are meaningless; “right of way” seems more like an obscure theory than a commonly known courtesy. And parking lots? Oh, don’t even get me started on parking lots. Try backing out of a parking spot and your reverse lights suddenly become the green light at a drag strip.

Long gone are the days where strangers would smile and say hello when passing. Want that door opened for you? It better damn well be automated. Of course, if you’re one of the rare people that still does open doors for strangers; don’t expect to get a “thank you” or a smile. That would require too much effort from the recipient.

It would be far too easy (and inaccurate) to claim this is a generational issue. I used to think that, but it’s not true. I’ve observed the same selfish behavior from well-to-do 50 year olds as I have from college kids and want-to-be hipsters. No, instead of blaming any group of people for the demise of manners, I’d rather focus on whether or not we care about it.

In our ever-growing global community, are we willing to sacrifice the quality of our interactions for the quantity of our interactions? Are we so busy texting and twittering that we can’t look up from our iPhones long enough to smile and say thank you? Every day I see compassion on the internet. Someone will post a journal about the rough time they’re having or change their status on Facebook only to be flooded with kind words and condolences from people they may not know or ever meet. But where is that compassion in real life? Why is it so much easier for us to show kindness through keyboards than gestures?

My fear is that people have become so used to detached interaction through technology that they no longer crave quality interpersonal relationships in the real world. Has our instant-gratification, low attention span society simply forgotten how to properly relate to one another? I mean, it’s certainly easier to skim through someone’s journal and type a quick “LOL” than to sit and listen intently to someone’s story and actually laugh, right?

Personally, I think we’re at a rather important crossroad, where manners can either make a comeback or become another fondly remembered, quaint bit of history, like straight-razor shaving and block parties. We, as a global community have the power to make either a reality. Personally, I’m hoping for the comeback.

My thought for the day

Shawn — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 05:05:16 +0000

Avoid people who belittle your ambitions and challenge your self esteem. People like that will rarely change.
The great people…the truly great people will help you realize that you can become great as well.

Love yourselves. Never settle.

R.I.P. Michael

Shawn — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:38:05 +0000

Michael Jackson, passed away today at the age of 50.
Regardless of what you may think of the man, he was a musical hero to many people (myself included) and left behind an amazing musical legacy.

Rest in peace Michael. You will be missed.

Another (grey) day in paradise

Shawn — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:01:58 +0000

It’s a beautifully gloomy day today here in Southern California. It’s just cool enough to wear a sweater without being uncomfortable and the sky is covered in a wash of grey. The majority of my day has been spent doing housework, so I figured I’d take a break. Write a bit. Read a bit. More than likely, I’ll have a cigar at some point.

Life has been interesting, as I continue to learn more about myself and what I want out of life. I’m doing my best to be brutally honest with myself in regards to who I really am. I’ve spent so many years of my life trying to be what others wanted me to be (or at least what I assumed they wanted me to be), that I lost sight of my own goals and desires. Some of the personal discoveries I’ve made were rather expected, while others have truly surprised me. Especially in regards to my own spirituality (something I may share at a later time).

Currently, my biggest struggle seems to be with patience and forgiveness. Neither come as naturally to me as I’d like, but I’m hoping through practice they will. At least it’s something I’m consciously working on.

Anyway…I’ve got a couple dogs to walk and a book to finish, so I better get going.

Oh, I almost forgot… If you find yourself with a couple extra dollars, please consider donating to my church. They’ve been having some trouble lately and could use the help. Their website is currently down, so here’s a link to their staff web blog (which has a donation link on it): Revolution Church NYC

Thank you.

Nothing like a good song…

Shawn — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 04:36:59 +0000

I was just listening to one of my favorite songs, by the great Tom Waits and I thought I’d share the lyrics for those of you who haven’t heard it.

San Diego Serenade

I never saw the morning till I stayed up all night
I never saw the sunshine till you turned out the light
I never saw my home town until I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody until I needed the song

I never saw the white line till I was leavin’ you behind
I never knew I needed you until I was caught up in a bind
And I never spoke I love you till I cursed you in vain
I never felt my heart strings until I nearly went insane

I never saw the east coast until I moved to the west
I never saw the moonlight till it shone off your breast
I never saw your heart until someone tried to steal, tried to steal it away
I never saw your tears till they rolled down your face

I never saw the morning till I stayed up all night
I never saw the sunshine till you turned out your love light, baby
I never saw my home town until I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody till I needed the song

…I was going to write about my thoughts regarding the song, how I relate to it, etc. but I think it’s better to let it just speak for itself.